Another month

Dear all,

Do you know this feeling you get when you realize you didn’t answer a friends email even though it was send to you over a week ago and you’ve had time to respond? You value the friendship but somehow time has passed by more quickly then you thought. This s the feeling I have about this journal sometimes. I value writing about my time here and I value even more that you are taking the time to read it. And yet somehow it is already the end of July, lots of things worthy of writing about have happened but I did not sat down to write you about it before. My sincere apologies for this. Anyway, enough about me and more about Lebanon.
The first thing you need to know about this last month is that it has been hot! Between 35 and 41 degrees every day. I can simply not drink enough water to replace the sweat I lose during just a normal weekday (sorry if this is over-sharing ;) ). However, I try and drinking water has become a habit more than a reaction to thirst. Also, I am not really getting hungry anymore so cooking is mostly out of the question (yes, even more than before ;) ). But my friends and colleagues tell me not to complain and every time I do whoever hears it will say: ‘ This is nothing. Last year…’ and then a personal memory of the extreme heat of last years’ summer will be shared. Interesting and usually followed by me: ‘Let’s hope it will not be like that this August, Insallah!’
Our project manager had to hand the file review project over to a colleague due to his promotion, so now my supervisor is smart and friendly Dutch woman who is spending a lot of time with me and Eva discussing our recommendations. The project is moving faster and it is getting more and more interesting now that policy decisions have to be made. Also, other colleagues are starting to realize how practical it is that there is an intern to deliver a file to and get it back reviewed and with a recommended plan of action. Complicated, strange, sad and extensive cases have passed by me these last weeks and I love digging in to the story like a good book. This might sound like I simply enjoy going through other people’s lives (and I am not ashamed to confess that I do have those moments) but I mostly like it because it is a chance to see things other colleagues might have missed or opportunities this refugee has which have so far not been explored. Also, running around in the office bothering colleagues with questions about legal or procedural issues and trying to find loopholes makes me feel like I am this persons’ lawyer sometimes. Even though I so far never saw my clients. My new supervisor wants to change this and I hope to be able to counsel my own cases with a translator in the coming weeks. But it is just plans and hopes for now…
My weekends usually include a trip outside Beirut. Though I very much enjoy the city, I need to get out of its chaos, heat, traffic and pollution every now and then. The small villages in the mountains are wonderful, fresh, with beautiful views and hospitable people. I can relax and let go of the stress I still feel when I think about how close September is and that I still don’t know what I’ll be doing by then…. I do know that I love the field I am working in now and that I would prefer to stay here and continue with it. Last week I travelled on another unofficial mission to the north of Lebanon, and I visited some families who has crossed the borders with Syria to flee the violence there. We were invited into the house of one the persons hosting a family like that and of course we accepted. I took my blue unhcr cap off and smiled at the little girl staring at my blonde hair. After a cup of sugar with a bit of tea we met a group of men and women who just arrived. I should say girls because they more mostly younger than me, but it didn’t feel that way when one of the men introduced me to his 15-year old wife. I found I pitied her and again I realized how much my own cultural glasses still influence me and will probably always be coloring my opinions and blurring my neutrality. I dislike arrogance and short-sidedness in others but I absolutely hate to catch myself on these ‘qualities’.

Okay, time to stop. Sunday afternoon will not be spend behind my computer ;) Hopefully you all have nice plans and also some nice weather to enjoy! Most of you might go on vacation or maybe you already have. Enjoy it and if you are still considering a last minute ticket to a place where the sun is guaranteed to shine and no rain is excepted for the coming two months; let me know :)

All the best for all of you and hope to hear from you soon!
Marlies